the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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