Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
