You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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