What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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