i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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