he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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