To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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