wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
