i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
