It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
