The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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