I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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