so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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