Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize