Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
