Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
