This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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