K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
