Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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