There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
