When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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