Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
