Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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