forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
