Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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