I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
