sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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