I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
