Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
