I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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