he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
