I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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