What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
