you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
