Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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