That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
