the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
