She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
