I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
