at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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