I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
