Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
