Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
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Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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