its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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