I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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