No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
