Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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