y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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