Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
