so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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