um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
