a queef is a wish your heart makes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to cum in my sink.
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