You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize