He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
