I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
