I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
