Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
