saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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