I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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