i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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