i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Barsexuality is the new black.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
