i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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