Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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