I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
